My Shithead Neighbor Trev by Zachary Conner Williams

My shithead neighbor Trev got put on probation for insurance fraud and gave me his tackle box full of weed for safekeeping since he knows my grandma piss-tests me, but today my shift got cut and I woke up late and Vanessa was already at her sonogram, so I packed a bowl of Trev’s weed and put on some Phish and took a long shower, and when I pulled back the curtain to get out, every little tile on the floor—blue, white, speckled-blue—was a plaza full of people all in a parade, and I’m hundreds of feet above them, I’m a giant, and everyone down there’s delighted to see this enormous nude dancing man, high in a beautiful porcelain balcony, blasting the greatest Tweezer jam of all time, and they go so nuts for me, cheering and all, that I think, man, I better dance my ass off, ‘cause this is the most amazing party I’ve ever seen, and it’s all on me now.

Zachary Conner Williams lives and works in New York City.